this has been a long time coming. there's always been a lot of pressure on ichiro's shoulders, one way or another, but this place has done an especially good job of making it worse. it felt like no matter what method he turned to, there was just nothing he could do to help, in any form, and for someone who basically lives to defend justice, to help other people, it's been killing him. wrong answers. wrong theories. loss, hurt, pain. lost memories, regained memories - suffering on every corner and no way to stop it. trying to put his mind to it when he couldn't put his body to it failed him, too.
mozuku said once that ichiro was quick to respond to things with violence, and that was the best thing about him, and for a while, that was who he was. even now, he struggles against being that person, but it's so hard not to be. all he's ever been able to do is hurt to help, and here, he's not been able to find a way out of that vicious cycle in ways that have been satisfying. nothing tethering him to home, nothing holding him back - it's just been a constant state of suffering, pretty much since they came back from their little field trip, and all of its coming out now.
at least, maybe with this, some of the tension will finally break. maybe it'll be over.
he takes a heaving, deep breath as the sobs stop, finally, petering out into nothing, and for a moment, he just stays still, head down, trembling just a little as he takes a couple more gulps in of air and tries to calm himself down properly.
sometimes, it's easy to forget - for himself, and for others - that ichiro's only nineteen. ]
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this has been a long time coming. there's always been a lot of pressure on ichiro's shoulders, one way or another, but this place has done an especially good job of making it worse. it felt like no matter what method he turned to, there was just nothing he could do to help, in any form, and for someone who basically lives to defend justice, to help other people, it's been killing him. wrong answers. wrong theories. loss, hurt, pain. lost memories, regained memories - suffering on every corner and no way to stop it. trying to put his mind to it when he couldn't put his body to it failed him, too.
mozuku said once that ichiro was quick to respond to things with violence, and that was the best thing about him, and for a while, that was who he was. even now, he struggles against being that person, but it's so hard not to be. all he's ever been able to do is hurt to help, and here, he's not been able to find a way out of that vicious cycle in ways that have been satisfying. nothing tethering him to home, nothing holding him back - it's just been a constant state of suffering, pretty much since they came back from their little field trip, and all of its coming out now.
at least, maybe with this, some of the tension will finally break. maybe it'll be over.
he takes a heaving, deep breath as the sobs stop, finally, petering out into nothing, and for a moment, he just stays still, head down, trembling just a little as he takes a couple more gulps in of air and tries to calm himself down properly.
sometimes, it's easy to forget - for himself, and for others - that ichiro's only nineteen. ]