when beau loosens her grip, he pulls back fully, feeling - a little embarrassed, but mostly just empty. this was a break he probably needed more than he was ever going to really let on, and ichiro rubs his eyes, turning his head away a little, though he's listening to what she's saying.
he's not usually a big emotional breakdown guy, because, like always, he can handle it. he's always been able to handle it - well. at home, he could. here, powerless and falling behind, every new stone falling into his arms has finally knocked him down. it makes him feel like a child, acting like this. ]
... I can't just sit by. [ is what he says, finally. it's quieter, now, voice husky with shed tears. and it's clear he's not trying to discount what beau said, either, because that is important, and he doesn't want to call it nothing, but... did he really help? a week later, it all fell apart again, and he almost lost something in a way that struck too close to home.
he knows he's been able to comfort others when they were suffering, and give vouchers to help here and there, but it's just not enough. it never feels like enough. not for ikebukuro's defender of justice, who's not that smart, who's too young to be considered grown by the older crowd, too old to be young. he's just been stuck in the middle, and slipping slowly downwards ever since. it's been such a struggle, trying to fight off his own expectations - and the ones that have always been placed on him to be strong. on the flip side of his own motto comes mozuku's words - your first reaction was violence - words that've stuck with him every day of his life.
he's not a healer. he's not a support. ichiro's always been a bleeder, and right now, he feels like he's just stuck behind plexiglass, watching the world around him fight hard for what matters to them. ]
I'm not trying to take on too much, I just...
[ he's just used to being strong. when he looks up at beau again, he just looks sort of desperately upset. brows knit together, eyes a little wide, heart rending. aching. ] I just want to do something. I can't keep up.
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when beau loosens her grip, he pulls back fully, feeling - a little embarrassed, but mostly just empty. this was a break he probably needed more than he was ever going to really let on, and ichiro rubs his eyes, turning his head away a little, though he's listening to what she's saying.
he's not usually a big emotional breakdown guy, because, like always, he can handle it. he's always been able to handle it - well. at home, he could. here, powerless and falling behind, every new stone falling into his arms has finally knocked him down. it makes him feel like a child, acting like this. ]
... I can't just sit by. [ is what he says, finally. it's quieter, now, voice husky with shed tears. and it's clear he's not trying to discount what beau said, either, because that is important, and he doesn't want to call it nothing, but... did he really help? a week later, it all fell apart again, and he almost lost something in a way that struck too close to home.
he knows he's been able to comfort others when they were suffering, and give vouchers to help here and there, but it's just not enough. it never feels like enough. not for ikebukuro's defender of justice, who's not that smart, who's too young to be considered grown by the older crowd, too old to be young. he's just been stuck in the middle, and slipping slowly downwards ever since. it's been such a struggle, trying to fight off his own expectations - and the ones that have always been placed on him to be strong. on the flip side of his own motto comes mozuku's words - your first reaction was violence - words that've stuck with him every day of his life.
he's not a healer. he's not a support. ichiro's always been a bleeder, and right now, he feels like he's just stuck behind plexiglass, watching the world around him fight hard for what matters to them. ]
I'm not trying to take on too much, I just...
[ he's just used to being strong. when he looks up at beau again, he just looks sort of desperately upset. brows knit together, eyes a little wide, heart rending. aching. ] I just want to do something. I can't keep up.