he just looks at her for a second, and there's like no thoughts because he can't even really put the words together? but he looks like absolutely fucking miserable, like the aspca commercial shelter dogs, when he looks up at beau so that's
[ well his thoughts just go guilty, like, immediately. stop stop stop, you made her do this enough, stop, why the fuck are you feeling sorry for yourself, stop - god, i hate this fucking effect so much - ]
...sorry. [ muffled. quiet. he's not crying, just tense, not really reacting back to hug her back. he's sorry for a lot of things, but the apology seems to be for continuing to just be like this. ]
[ he takes a deep breath. an inhale - and then shudders, on the exhale, and says, quietly, the other thing he's been holding on to, that hasn't come out quite yet. ]
...mm. I mean, you're really close with Yamato and Kon. It makes sense.
[ he nods, a little bit, into her shoulder. ] 'm not mad. [ That would be a really stupid thing to get mad about it. ] Yesterday - I know, yesterday you thought it was Caleb-san, and I wanted to tell you otherwise. I'm sorry I couldn't.
[she brings a hand up to run through his hair absently.]
It's alright. I wouldn't have been mad at you, I would've been mad at him for not telling me the second he could. [what is that logic] He got on me about it, so.
.... lying to him was the worst. [ a little mumble. his Mentor
but, he does seem to have calmed down from self destructive misery mode and mumbles - ] That makes no sense. [ and then pulls back a little to wipe his face. ] Y’know, at home, I maybe get depressed like this once a year. It used to be way worse, but I got over it. This place blows.
You can't let this stick to you. You gotta shake it off. I know that sounds harsh - and I don't mean it that way. But we gotta be united. Whatever is coming this next week, we gotta stand up against whatever it is.
So - take today, be fucked up, but take a deep breath, and we go.
[ just today. he can do that. he can't get over it right now, but - give him a day to sulk, to be angry, and he'll be okay.
he scrubs his face, again, and then looks up. ]
.... I don't know if I can forgive Lux. [ It's got nothing to do with killing people, either. sometimes, someone finds all the right ways to step on traumas that you still aren't quite over. sometimes, you trust someone, and you find out they never trusted you in return, and it burns. ] But - I want to get out of here, and I'm more pissed at this goddamn place for letting any of this happen than I am for anything else. So.
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anyway, she goes over to sit down next to him. she hears that - and just, like, sidesteps it entirely. she'll handle that in a minute.]
So how much are you self-destructing, right now.
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he just looks at her for a second, and there's like no thoughts because he can't even really put the words together? but he looks like absolutely fucking miserable, like the aspca commercial shelter dogs, when he looks up at beau so that's
probably a good enough answer ]
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...sorry. [ muffled. quiet. he's not crying, just tense, not really reacting back to hug her back. he's sorry for a lot of things, but the apology seems to be for continuing to just be like this. ]
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[she presses a kiss to the side of his head.] I'm not angry at you, and you know I wouldn't just do this if I didn't care.
Would've just ignored you the rest of the time we were here if that were the case.
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....Otome-sensei is the one who picked me.
[ so he was the one who took her spot. ]
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That wasn't very nice of her. [she hums.]
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I think... she meant out of a good place. [ he says, eventually, quietly. ] That I could handle it. Or - that, I wanted to know what was going on.
[ a little huff. Dunno if either of those were true. he's not really mad about it, but he thought beau should know. ]
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[a beat.] I couldn't tell you what I knew, either. I wasn't going to let anything happen like what happened to Adora, so I didn't say shit.
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[ he nods, a little bit, into her shoulder. ] 'm not mad. [ That would be a really stupid thing to get mad about it. ] Yesterday - I know, yesterday you thought it was Caleb-san, and I wanted to tell you otherwise. I'm sorry I couldn't.
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It's alright. I wouldn't have been mad at you, I would've been mad at him for not telling me the second he could. [what is that logic] He got on me about it, so.
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but, he does seem to have calmed down from self destructive misery mode and mumbles - ] That makes no sense. [ and then pulls back a little to wipe his face. ] Y’know, at home, I maybe get depressed like this once a year. It used to be way worse, but I got over it. This place blows.
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[a beat.]
I was gonna kill Byleth, you know.
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You were...?
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I wasn't gonna let Kon, Yamato, Rita or Alphinaud do it.
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.... oh. [ ... ] .... guess we’re both potential killers. [ there’s just a tiny bit of humor to this, a little helplessly. this place is so stupid. ]
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You can't let this stick to you. You gotta shake it off. I know that sounds harsh - and I don't mean it that way. But we gotta be united. Whatever is coming this next week, we gotta stand up against whatever it is.
So - take today, be fucked up, but take a deep breath, and we go.
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[ just today. he can do that. he can't get over it right now, but - give him a day to sulk, to be angry, and he'll be okay.
he scrubs his face, again, and then looks up. ]
.... I don't know if I can forgive Lux. [ It's got nothing to do with killing people, either. sometimes, someone finds all the right ways to step on traumas that you still aren't quite over. sometimes, you trust someone, and you find out they never trusted you in return, and it burns. ] But - I want to get out of here, and I'm more pissed at this goddamn place for letting any of this happen than I am for anything else. So.