[ she really should!! ichiro nudges the door open, and it turns out he's got a blanket looped over his arms, because he figured the housé might not be totally warm in this icy weather. it's much better than being in the frozen snow, though, so.
he's got a grin for her, though it's a little more tired than usual. ] Hey. I brought you an extra blanket, figured you might need it. How're you doing?
[ The CYOA was a lot, she yelled at a lot of people post-trial and maybe burned some bridges (she doesn't know for sure, but she wouldn't be surprised), and the execution ended with a dinosaur (does she know what a dinosaur is). And then Iris showed up.
[ this entire weekend was hell, actually! in every way possible! he trots over to bring the blanket, taking a brief look around the housé before giving it a little shake to come bring it over to the seating area. ]
It is, isn't it? Especially after this weekend. [ the CHAOS. ] Feels like - I dunno. Like a light at the tunnel, or something. Like a big middle finger to whoever's actually in charge. I think we needed some good news.
[ Kainé isn't that used to having something to furnish, so the housé doesn't look too differently than how he set it up initially. There are just more flowers around—not too many, though, and not nearly as much as what's inside the dorm proper. There are two garlands of white flowers hanging like they're very precious, though. ]
Yeah, we did. We have more info and direction, and that's what some of us need, too.
[ Instead of stewing in anger and sadness and everything else that came from the weekend. ]
[ listen he doesn't know shit about fuck related to decorating anything, but the flowers are pretty. girls like flowers? he thinks? kainé really likes flowers. so that's good. it's nice to see her claiming the space as her own, though, and brings a little bit of a smile to his face as he glances over them before settling down next to her and offering the blanket. ]
Yeah.
[ ...
he shifts a little, glancing over at her again. ] ... So.... what was up with earlier?
[ they've really been through a lot together, in the four weeks they've been here. after everything - after building the housé, after experiencing week after week of these events, after their adventure this week.
[ It is because he's so unhesitant, because he asked for this housé, because of everything else about him that she makes this gamble, that she decides to try with him. She'll accept if this turns out for the worse.
She takes out her phone and fiddles with it for a moment before she brings up the group chat that Taichi made a couple days ago with them. Her emotions have been wrought. ]
... I don't know if you've changed some of your theories since then, but part of it was wrong, then.
[ She meets his gaze, unflinching. ]
I killed Sieghart.
[ She doesn't know if he will trust her anymore. ]
[ ichiro goes wide eyed, kind of freezing when she says it. it puts his heart in the bottom of his stomach, and he looks down at the group chat for a moment. takes a long, deep breath. exhales.
okay. okay. ]
.... can I ask why? [ or - he pauses. ] Or... can you tell me why?
[ She puts her phone down, and it takes her a moment before she says anything. Her emotions have always been a mess, but talking about this isn't easy. ]
Yeah. [ She keeps her voice even. ] What happened to me is different from what's happening to Byleth or Rupert. I'm more sure of it now than I was last week.
[ ... ]
I woke up that Thursday, convinced I had to kill Sieghart, that murdering him was the only way to stop all of this. I believed that all the way until trial ended.
[ oh. there's a soft, sudden intake of breath, because suddenly a lot of things make sense. the way kainé drew back from them, last week, where before she'd been starting to inch closer, for one thing. the theories - their theories, of people being mind controlled and compelled. it explains some of the violence from sieghart's crime scene. it explains - it explains a lot. ]
...Holy shit. I bet that's what happened to Kaoruko, too. You -
[ okay.
okay. he realizes about a second later that this cannot look like a good reaction, and she trusted him with this - his head whips back up to look at her again, and whatever went across his face softens back again, brows knitting, a thousand emotions at once. ]
...Kainé. [ his voice is a little rougher, but softer, too. emotional. ] It's - it's not your fault. Someone fucked with your head. [ he didn't feel good about voting for kaoruko for the same reason. caiman - caiman's head was fucked like that since the beginning, apparently, but it could easily have been the same with him, too.
(different. is it different? the morality of this place is complicated, and - he shakes his head. viola said it. the greater enemy here is someone else, not each other.) ]
...Thank you for - for trusting me enough to tell me. [ sincerity, there, too, as he looks at her, reaching out where her hand is to. just briefly, quickly, cover it with his own and give it a squeeze. ] Knowing that helps. I think it's gonna help us figure things out.
I'm so sorry, Kainé. Fuck, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I don't know about Kaoruko. She didn't tell anyone why either.
[ Kainé's thoughts are she's more in the Byleth and Rupert category, but she's fine with being wrong about that. It's honestly a better reaction than she thought she'd get, so she doesn't mind.
She's keeping her expression as closed off as possible. It's the only way she can handle this conversation with any semblance of calm. She's sorry it happened to her, too, but it only makes sense it happened to her, she thinks, with the way her life is. ]
I still killed him, Ichiro. I won't shy away from that fact.
[ It's still true, and her guilt will remain even if it wasn't her own will, even if she never had any thoughts of killing him before that night. It's just more blood on her hands. ]
I know you're trying your best to figure things out. I think if I'm not the only one, it can happen to anyone and again. I tried talking to Caiman, to see if he was compelled like me, but...
[ ... it's funny. he had a similar conversation, earlier this week, with nier. not about something that happened here, but.
he reaches up and runs a hand through his hair, just to get rid of some of that excess energy. ]
... I can't be the person to forgive you. That's on Sieghart-san, when we bring him back, and... that's on you to forgive yourself, too. But, I can weigh the person I know here - [ short tempered, sure, but short tempered like him. caring enough to reach out to him when he was furious in a way he needed. the person who backed him up in that memory hellhole a few days ago, who helped him when he was hit with the grief of having to walk away from his brother like a truck, who he has spent so much time getting to know, and getting closer to, bit by tentative bit, every day here. ] - and decide that even if you did it, I'm not shying away from you, either.
[ a quiet little huff, then. it's not quite a normal ichiro smile, just tired around the edges (sometimes you gotta cap off your hell week with finding out one of your favorite people here did a murder not of their own volition) but the smile is there, and it's genuine as he looks at her. ] ...besides. It's pretty brave that you told me. You could've just lied to me, right now, could've sat on it forever, and instead you risked all kinds of shit just to get us a little information to try and figure this out. And you were gonna risk it, right? [ with the dorm. that must have been what the conversation with iris was about. ] That takes guts.
If it's you, and Caiman, then that might be a pattern. Winter to fall. That's something we might be able to figure out, and maybe even anticipate. It matches the seasons here, too. It might even explain why Kon's memory power wouldn't work. We might even be able to test it out, on you, if you're willing, to get that proven, too.
It's a start, and that's something. It already happened, so let's use it to tear this shit apart. Yeah?
[ That's something she replies with immediately. It is not something she expects, and it is not something she will ask for. She has cut down so many lives before coming here, but at least those were hard choices she made herself, with her own state of mind.
Ichiro's acceptance is a salve over her many, many hurts. She doesn't expect to be accepted by many, and it always brings light back into her word when someone does. Her expression doesn't shift much, but her heart is moved. For as furious as she is at this whole place, for as enraged as she is for the circumstances for how she was used, she is so battered inside. She is so tired. ]
... I was thinking about leaving notes about what happened to me. [ As a way to spread information, somehow. ] I don't mind if you tell others what happened to me, but I don't want my name known.
Of course not. [ of course he wouldn't put her name out there without her permission - that answer is quick and immediate too, because he doesn't want her to think otherwise for even a second. kainé really trusted him with this, and he's not going to betray it.
after a long moment, he sighs, heavy, and then scrubs his face. ]
... I'm not even gonna tell anyone that it was someone in winter. Don't worry. [ our MURDERHANDS ] Even though I think that's probably the pattern, so I bet the next one will be Spring.
[ really don't like that! but that's fine. it's fine! they'll figure it out. they have to. ASAP. ]
I think the notes are a good idea, though. Let me know if you need any help, okay?
She nods, after a moment. There was a small hope that he would react this way, but she didn't actually think it'd end up like this. She's not used to it. ]
If your theory with patterns turns out to be right...
[ That'll really be something, won't it? That really would make it seem more and more like they're following a script. It's hateful. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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he's got a grin for her, though it's a little more tired than usual. ] Hey. I brought you an extra blanket, figured you might need it. How're you doing?
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[ The CYOA was a lot, she yelled at a lot of people post-trial and maybe burned some bridges (she doesn't know for sure, but she wouldn't be surprised), and the execution ended with a dinosaur (does she know what a dinosaur is). And then Iris showed up.
Yeah, okay probably covers it. ]
It's good to know the dead can come back.
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It is, isn't it? Especially after this weekend. [ the CHAOS. ] Feels like - I dunno. Like a light at the tunnel, or something. Like a big middle finger to whoever's actually in charge. I think we needed some good news.
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Yeah, we did. We have more info and direction, and that's what some of us need, too.
[ Instead of stewing in anger and sadness and everything else that came from the weekend. ]
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Yeah.
[ ...
he shifts a little, glancing over at her again. ] ... So.... what was up with earlier?
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When I was talking with Iris?
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...yeah.
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... Do you trust me, Ichiro?
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the answer's unhesitating. ]
Yes.
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She takes out her phone and fiddles with it for a moment before she brings up the group chat that Taichi made a couple days ago with them. Her emotions have been wrought. ]
... I don't know if you've changed some of your theories since then, but part of it was wrong, then.
[ She meets his gaze, unflinching. ]
I killed Sieghart.
[ She doesn't know if he will trust her anymore. ]
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just - quietly. ] ...Oh, Kainé.
[ ichiro goes wide eyed, kind of freezing when she says it. it puts his heart in the bottom of his stomach, and he looks down at the group chat for a moment. takes a long, deep breath. exhales.
okay. okay. ]
.... can I ask why? [ or - he pauses. ] Or... can you tell me why?
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Yeah. [ She keeps her voice even. ] What happened to me is different from what's happening to Byleth or Rupert. I'm more sure of it now than I was last week.
[ ... ]
I woke up that Thursday, convinced I had to kill Sieghart, that murdering him was the only way to stop all of this. I believed that all the way until trial ended.
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...Holy shit. I bet that's what happened to Kaoruko, too. You -
[ okay.
okay. he realizes about a second later that this cannot look like a good reaction, and she trusted him with this - his head whips back up to look at her again, and whatever went across his face softens back again, brows knitting, a thousand emotions at once. ]
...Kainé. [ his voice is a little rougher, but softer, too. emotional. ] It's - it's not your fault. Someone fucked with your head. [ he didn't feel good about voting for kaoruko for the same reason. caiman - caiman's head was fucked like that since the beginning, apparently, but it could easily have been the same with him, too.
(different. is it different? the morality of this place is complicated, and - he shakes his head. viola said it. the greater enemy here is someone else, not each other.) ]
...Thank you for - for trusting me enough to tell me. [ sincerity, there, too, as he looks at her, reaching out where her hand is to. just briefly, quickly, cover it with his own and give it a squeeze. ] Knowing that helps. I think it's gonna help us figure things out.
I'm so sorry, Kainé. Fuck, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
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[ Kainé's thoughts are she's more in the Byleth and Rupert category, but she's fine with being wrong about that. It's honestly a better reaction than she thought she'd get, so she doesn't mind.
She's keeping her expression as closed off as possible. It's the only way she can handle this conversation with any semblance of calm. She's sorry it happened to her, too, but it only makes sense it happened to her, she thinks, with the way her life is. ]
I still killed him, Ichiro. I won't shy away from that fact.
[ It's still true, and her guilt will remain even if it wasn't her own will, even if she never had any thoughts of killing him before that night. It's just more blood on her hands. ]
I know you're trying your best to figure things out. I think if I'm not the only one, it can happen to anyone and again. I tried talking to Caiman, to see if he was compelled like me, but...
[ His own complications made it unclear. ]
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he reaches up and runs a hand through his hair, just to get rid of some of that excess energy. ]
... I can't be the person to forgive you. That's on Sieghart-san, when we bring him back, and... that's on you to forgive yourself, too. But, I can weigh the person I know here - [ short tempered, sure, but short tempered like him. caring enough to reach out to him when he was furious in a way he needed. the person who backed him up in that memory hellhole a few days ago, who helped him when he was hit with the grief of having to walk away from his brother like a truck, who he has spent so much time getting to know, and getting closer to, bit by tentative bit, every day here. ] - and decide that even if you did it, I'm not shying away from you, either.
[ a quiet little huff, then. it's not quite a normal ichiro smile, just tired around the edges (sometimes you gotta cap off your hell week with finding out one of your favorite people here did a murder not of their own volition) but the smile is there, and it's genuine as he looks at her. ] ...besides. It's pretty brave that you told me. You could've just lied to me, right now, could've sat on it forever, and instead you risked all kinds of shit just to get us a little information to try and figure this out. And you were gonna risk it, right? [ with the dorm. that must have been what the conversation with iris was about. ] That takes guts.
If it's you, and Caiman, then that might be a pattern. Winter to fall. That's something we might be able to figure out, and maybe even anticipate. It matches the seasons here, too. It might even explain why Kon's memory power wouldn't work. We might even be able to test it out, on you, if you're willing, to get that proven, too.
It's a start, and that's something. It already happened, so let's use it to tear this shit apart. Yeah?
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[ That's something she replies with immediately. It is not something she expects, and it is not something she will ask for. She has cut down so many lives before coming here, but at least those were hard choices she made herself, with her own state of mind.
Ichiro's acceptance is a salve over her many, many hurts. She doesn't expect to be accepted by many, and it always brings light back into her word when someone does. Her expression doesn't shift much, but her heart is moved. For as furious as she is at this whole place, for as enraged as she is for the circumstances for how she was used, she is so battered inside. She is so tired. ]
... I was thinking about leaving notes about what happened to me. [ As a way to spread information, somehow. ] I don't mind if you tell others what happened to me, but I don't want my name known.
[ At least not yet. ]
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after a long moment, he sighs, heavy, and then scrubs his face. ]
... I'm not even gonna tell anyone that it was someone in winter. Don't worry. [ our MURDERHANDS ] Even though I think that's probably the pattern, so I bet the next one will be Spring.
[ really don't like that! but that's fine. it's fine! they'll figure it out. they have to. ASAP. ]
I think the notes are a good idea, though. Let me know if you need any help, okay?
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She nods, after a moment. There was a small hope that he would react this way, but she didn't actually think it'd end up like this. She's not used to it. ]
If your theory with patterns turns out to be right...
[ That'll really be something, won't it? That really would make it seem more and more like they're following a script. It's hateful. ]
Thanks, Ichiro.
[ Her words are quiet but genuine. ]