They're allowed to go see the dead, you know. The Dorm Heads. Iris told me earlier. [a pause.] It's not a problem, man. Try to not let it bother you so much.
[ he. laughs a little at that, actually? its just a wet, hysterical snort, and he nods against her shoulder. yeah. yeah, he has really fucking bad taste. really fucking bad. that makes sense, but that also means - i've been crushing on iris right in front of him this whole time.
ugh ]
...'m gonna get Caleb-san to make me an animal too. [ also morosely, but he's maybe kidding a little bit, now. ]
[ worry, there, and pretty blatantly obvious. ] The thoughts thing, right? [ Caleb-san probably doesn't want the whole world picking in his head. poor guy. ] Is there anything we can do to help, you think...?
[ well - thoughts are benefitting right now, actually?
he scooches a little closer. she took his hand, earlier, so, he squeezes hers. ] Tell me. You just let me sulk about being dumped for like thirty minutes out of nowhere.
No. It's not a big deal. I'm worried about him and he won't let me be because he doesn't think he's worth it, and it's just a back and forth -- it's not. Your problem.
[ alright after everything with iris today he just - ]
Quit it. I care about you both so much, let me listen. Keep that shit inside and it's gonna bottle up and explode, trust me. [ why is everyone here so bad at talking about their problems? he thinks but it's not like, anything more than fondly exasperated and also kind of a self drag. he's really not that much better.
it's gently insistent but also just not taking no for an answer. please let me help you. ]
It's been stressing you both out, right? On top of all the rest of the bad shit that's been happening.
It's not anything anybody can fix. [she mutters. you can't fix anything. you just break them.] It's not stressing me out. I just - don't know how to deal with hearing him think about how much he hates himself.
[ be disgruntled! that is fine. he is just going to lean into her the best he can. the you can't fix anything makes his heart ache. ]
...yeah. Not something that can just be fixed. [ thinking back to his conversation earlier - all i ever do is make things worse - makes his frown darken even further, and he shakes his head. ] I dunno if there's a good way to deal with it at all, but it sucks. Like - you wanna do everything in your power to make them see themselves the way you see them.
[ i feel that way about you sometimes, too. beau has been so helpful to him, after all, instrumental in helping ichiro keep his shit together in their time here when it has been rapidly falling out of his hands all over the place. ] Just gotta be supportive in every way we can, you know? And sometimes that just means - giving people space, which sucks even worse. It's hard for me to watch that happen, too.
[she pulls her hand away - not rudely or roughly, just. she's fidgety. this is a lot of vulnerability she can't afford, can't stand most of the time. it's not easy. she picks at her knuckles, leg jittering, bouncing.]
I don't want to give him space. You give him space and he'll fucking run as far as he can and never come back. [can't let him, I know what he wants to do, I won't let him]
[ ooohhh he recognizes this flightiness because he just dealt with it, but, that's okay. he's patient. ichiro folds his hands together and listens. ]
...Well, the good news is it's pretty hard to run that far, here. [ there's only so much space. this is a little wryly, but. in all seriousness: ] This is only temporary, too - the effect thing, at least. I know that sucks, I know that's not what you wanna hear, cause it's still happening, and - even just hearing about it, I wanna go fix it, too.
[ caleb-san has done so much for me - i can't imagine how much he's done for you. ]
...Maybe there's something we can buy that can help give him a break. [ someone get caleb a tinfoil hat ] Till it's over.
I thought about that. I don't think it'll work. [I'm so tired I just want to have one good day] I'll just try to stay out of his range for a while, I guess.
I can ask. Worst thing that happens is they say no, you know?
[ ...
it feels so weird, picking at other people's thoughts so easily, but, he hears that one, and just - sighs, a little, shoulders slumping. some of his usual optimism melts off. ]
[ he frowns, turning to the side to look at her. ]
...if you say it like that, it's gonna be impossible. Cause if you're miserable too, I think I'd rather just be kinda miserable with you than better while you're suffering.
[ stubborn.
but he thinks, I love you way too much to let you just suffer by yourself. I'm not going anywhere. ]
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[DON'T JUST AGREE]
They're allowed to go see the dead, you know. The Dorm Heads. Iris told me earlier. [a pause.] It's not a problem, man. Try to not let it bother you so much.
[Been there. It always happens.]
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ugh ]
...'m gonna get Caleb-san to make me an animal too. [ also morosely, but he's maybe kidding a little bit, now. ]
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It's nice to be an animal for a bit. [I can't ask again.] Just as long as it's not on Thursday, I bet he wouldn't mind, but uh - just.
Just be prepared for him to not be happy. [Understatement.] This week's fucking with him.
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[ worry, there, and pretty blatantly obvious. ] The thoughts thing, right? [ Caleb-san probably doesn't want the whole world picking in his head. poor guy. ] Is there anything we can do to help, you think...?
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[Don't think about it don't think about it don't make it about you]
It's not something that can be fixed.
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[ well - thoughts are benefitting right now, actually?
he scooches a little closer. she took his hand, earlier, so, he squeezes hers. ] Tell me. You just let me sulk about being dumped for like thirty minutes out of nowhere.
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No. It's not a big deal. I'm worried about him and he won't let me be because he doesn't think he's worth it, and it's just a back and forth -- it's not. Your problem.
[she's like, thinking about dogs. stubbornly.]
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Quit it. I care about you both so much, let me listen. Keep that shit inside and it's gonna bottle up and explode, trust me. [ why is everyone here so bad at talking about their problems? he thinks but it's not like, anything more than fondly exasperated and also kind of a self drag. he's really not that much better.
it's gently insistent but also just not taking no for an answer. please let me help you. ]
It's been stressing you both out, right? On top of all the rest of the bad shit that's been happening.
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It's not anything anybody can fix. [she mutters. you can't fix anything. you just break them.] It's not stressing me out. I just - don't know how to deal with hearing him think about how much he hates himself.
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...yeah. Not something that can just be fixed. [ thinking back to his conversation earlier - all i ever do is make things worse - makes his frown darken even further, and he shakes his head. ] I dunno if there's a good way to deal with it at all, but it sucks. Like - you wanna do everything in your power to make them see themselves the way you see them.
[ i feel that way about you sometimes, too. beau has been so helpful to him, after all, instrumental in helping ichiro keep his shit together in their time here when it has been rapidly falling out of his hands all over the place. ] Just gotta be supportive in every way we can, you know? And sometimes that just means - giving people space, which sucks even worse. It's hard for me to watch that happen, too.
Did you guys argue about it?
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I don't want to give him space. You give him space and he'll fucking run as far as he can and never come back. [can't let him, I know what he wants to do, I won't let him]
... Yeah. We argued. We do that a lot, though.
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...Well, the good news is it's pretty hard to run that far, here. [ there's only so much space. this is a little wryly, but. in all seriousness: ] This is only temporary, too - the effect thing, at least. I know that sucks, I know that's not what you wanna hear, cause it's still happening, and - even just hearing about it, I wanna go fix it, too.
[ caleb-san has done so much for me - i can't imagine how much he's done for you. ]
...Maybe there's something we can buy that can help give him a break. [ someone get caleb a tinfoil hat ] Till it's over.
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I thought about that. I don't think it'll work. [I'm so tired I just want to have one good day] I'll just try to stay out of his range for a while, I guess.
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[ ...
it feels so weird, picking at other people's thoughts so easily, but, he hears that one, and just - sighs, a little, shoulders slumping. some of his usual optimism melts off. ]
...me too. Just one good day, I mean.
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... You will. It'll be alright, Ichiro.
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...if you say it like that, it's gonna be impossible. Cause if you're miserable too, I think I'd rather just be kinda miserable with you than better while you're suffering.
[ stubborn.
but he thinks, I love you way too much to let you just suffer by yourself. I'm not going anywhere. ]