[she says, quieter. she sucks at words, so she doesn't try those, but she does hold him very tightly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. she can do this much. she won't even tell anybody if he does actually cry.
there's a lot that resonates in that memory. a lot of responsibility, a lot of - well, the feeling of betrayal, of thinking something isn't quite right. the feeling of finding someone who cares about you. so she just holds him for a while, because for once, she thinks she can be the mature one.
just to take some of that responsibility off his shoulders for a bit.]
[ he just sort of stays there, for a long moment - tense, tense, tense underneath beau's grip. he doesn't cry, even at the hand in his hair, because being reminded of this fucking sucks, but it's not new. that's just how things were. kuko...
... he shakes his head, after a second of this, letting beau hold him tight for a minute, and then says, muffled, quiet. ] ...it's okay, Beau.
[ yeah. it's okay. he pushes himself away, finally, letting go, and inhales, reaching up to scrub at his face. ]
...just been a while, since I thought about that. The first part. [ the second part never leaves him. kuko. he was my best friend. ] ...he's a good guy.
[ that gets him to snort? he kind of can't help it, the noise a little humorless, a little hysterical, but what else can you do. ]
...'s not that. [ because ultimately, it's not so much about being strong and manly. ichiro wears his heart on his sleeve - he always has, for the good, for the bad - and he rubs at his face again, keeping his cool. ] I... I know, I know.
I just... [ because ichiro, even now, still doesn't have any friends. nineteen years old, parent of two, leader of a division, of a home. he's less distrusting, now, less harsh, but he never had the chance to have much of a childhood and took on the responsibility of growing up fast, and that has consequences. ]
...y'know, I still don't know what happened. Why he was like that. We never talked again, and I don't hold it against him, but... I wish I knew what I did to make things so wrong.
[it's not even that, it's more the - it's fine, don't worry about me, I can be responsible bit that she's protesting, but she lets it go.]
... Well. [she starts, and then. sighs.] I don't think it was your fault. I don't think you did shit, Ichiro, you know what that looked like to me? Someone trying to push their friend away so they wouldn't get hurt by whatever bad shit they were about to get pulled into.
his brows furrow - ichiro wants that to be true so bad. it does seem plausible, but he just... he never had the time to chase down the answers, and in the end, that was no one's fault but his own. ] We were all involved in bad shit, though. I mean - them leaving helped us make our big crew, the one we were gonna break everything down with, but... I would've been happy hanging with Kuko and the other two forever, you know?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[she says, quieter. she sucks at words, so she doesn't try those, but she does hold him very tightly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. she can do this much. she won't even tell anybody if he does actually cry.
there's a lot that resonates in that memory. a lot of responsibility, a lot of - well, the feeling of betrayal, of thinking something isn't quite right. the feeling of finding someone who cares about you. so she just holds him for a while, because for once, she thinks she can be the mature one.
just to take some of that responsibility off his shoulders for a bit.]
no subject
... he shakes his head, after a second of this, letting beau hold him tight for a minute, and then says, muffled, quiet. ] ...it's okay, Beau.
[ yeah. it's okay. he pushes himself away, finally, letting go, and inhales, reaching up to scrub at his face. ]
...just been a while, since I thought about that. The first part. [ the second part never leaves him. kuko. he was my best friend. ] ...he's a good guy.
no subject
a pause.]
You know it doesn't have to be. [...] You don't gotta do the strong man thing around me, babe.
no subject
...'s not that. [ because ultimately, it's not so much about being strong and manly. ichiro wears his heart on his sleeve - he always has, for the good, for the bad - and he rubs at his face again, keeping his cool. ] I... I know, I know.
I just... [ because ichiro, even now, still doesn't have any friends. nineteen years old, parent of two, leader of a division, of a home. he's less distrusting, now, less harsh, but he never had the chance to have much of a childhood and took on the responsibility of growing up fast, and that has consequences. ]
...y'know, I still don't know what happened. Why he was like that. We never talked again, and I don't hold it against him, but... I wish I knew what I did to make things so wrong.
no subject
... Well. [she starts, and then. sighs.] I don't think it was your fault. I don't think you did shit, Ichiro, you know what that looked like to me? Someone trying to push their friend away so they wouldn't get hurt by whatever bad shit they were about to get pulled into.
no subject
[ that's a much nicer answer than canon whew
his brows furrow - ichiro wants that to be true so bad. it does seem plausible, but he just... he never had the time to chase down the answers, and in the end, that was no one's fault but his own. ] We were all involved in bad shit, though. I mean - them leaving helped us make our big crew, the one we were gonna break everything down with, but... I would've been happy hanging with Kuko and the other two forever, you know?
no subject
Yeah, sure. But if you guys were friends, and he wanted to protect you - I don't know. I can see myself doing something like that.
no subject
you really aren't that far off
he huffs to that, though, and gives beau a little smile. ]
... yeah. I hope you're right. [ after a beat, though; ] I mean, I would've fought whatever it was with him, if I could. That goes for you too.
[ a little nudge. ] Don't leave me behind, okay? Everybody - we're always stronger together.
no subject
she pauses, and then smiles up at him.]
Yeah. You're right. We are stronger together. Which is fucking crazy to say, actually. [she never thought she'd get to this point.]