[ this is the second time he's been grabbed by a girl half his size today, but ichiro doesn't back off - he'd gone kind of limp with rita, but for beau, it's different.
he's just yelling back, practically snarling, infuriated. miserable, too. ]
Yeah?! Great fucking question, Beau! Nothing's helping anyone, and I'm fucking tired of watching people get hurt! Might as fucking well be me, at least I can take a hit!
Fuck off! Fuck you! [actually, she's just going to shove him - and then punch him, right across the jaw.] You think you can take a fucking hit? I can't!
[she wavers, stumbling slightly, and then pushes past it.] I fucking can't, anymore, Ichiro, you stupid fucking asshole! And that would've been one more fucking hit, not just for me, but for all the people who care about you, it's fucking disrespectful!
[ well - the shove doesn't get him, because he's tough as shit and he doesn't back down for a second, but boy fucking howdy, he's not ready for the fist. the punch connects and sends him stumbling backwards, head jerking back - he tastes iron at the back of his mouth.
in a way it's sort of satisfying. his head jerks back to where it was, furious, angry, lower lip split from the hit, and just keeps going. ]
What if I fucking -- you don't know anything! [ ichiro's just - roaring back. furious, angry, and then - underneath it, there's just a thread of terror that grips around his heart and squeezes. hard. stop stop stop stop stop stop-
the anger changes track. ] What about Denji! What about all the people that give two shits about him, you think they don't feel bad!? All that time we tried to keep him safe when people were framing him, and for what?! He didn't even fucking know, he wasn't even listening when the stupid fucking announcement happened! At least the people who suspected me had a fucking leg to stand on with all that evidence!
[ and he's just like immediately going to try and swing at her, too. it's his left arm, so it's not as strong as his right, either, but it doesn't matter. ]
[it feels good. feels good to beat the shit out of something. she hasn't done this in a long time, she's tried - god, has she tried to just be a normal person for once, someone who doesn't jump directly to anger. but she's human, and she hurts, and this is injustice and she can never fucking stop anything. it always just happens. people die. friends die. they die over and over, they spit blood and she just has to watch, eyes never shut.]
The evidence pointed at Denji more than it pointed at you - it was his fucking phone!
[and then - he swings at her, and she doesn't even bother not taking the hit, just - barely blocks it, relishing the bruise. she takes it and she moves forward, brawler in intensity, ramming her fist into him again.]
What makes you any fucking different from Denji?! You both didn't fucking do it, you both have people who care - stop! Stop, don't fucking say to me that it'd be better if you were voted for! Do not get in my face and try to tell me losing you would be better!
Fucking - selfish, it's fucking selfish of you, what the fuck would you say to me if I said I'd rather have been voted for?! You fucking moron!
[ there's just a clear, furious moment, where ichiro takes a deep breath and wants to say something. he takes the hit when it comes, again, right on the cheek - another shiner for him, tomorrow - and he doesn't.
he just jerks backwards again, a staggering step back. he's just as much of a fighter, a brawler - all he ever does is hit. people who attack directly always leave themselves open, somehow, someone said to him once, but he doesn't fucking care, right now. right now, the blood at the back of his mouth tastes like being alive. ]
So then, what?! We vote for Maya?! She's Jiro's age and this place forced her to do it! Like it forces everyone to do everything, those stupid expulsions, everything!
[ another hit, left handed, not nearly as strong but right at the jaw - and then he just lunges in and grabs onto her collar, hard, as if he could get the point across, better. ] You haven't done anything wrong! That's what I'd fucking say - this place just keeps beating the shit out of you, and - you - you're a fucking moron if you think I'd ever let that happen!
[ care, heartbreak, and anger - sometimes they all just go together. they're the things that make ichiro ichiro, a passionate, furious person, good and bad. he cares. he cares so much it makes up every fiber of his being.
it's obvious, here. roses and thorns in a statement, snarled with as much care as he can manage. ] I don't know what else to do.
[one hit, and another. no blocking at all, this time. just a fist, right to the jaw, and it'll leave a bruise, but she doesn't care. fine. it's fine.
he grabs her collar, and she grabs his wrist, instinctive, like she's going to break that too. she doesn't, but it's a close thing.]
You don't fucking sacrifice yourself!
[she hisses.]
You don't stand in front of a bunch of people and say take me instead - you don't make people make that choice. You don't stand there and make people decide which is the better fucking option, to kill you, or to kill her. Do you understand me? You're not a fucking hero for sacrificing yourself. That's not the better option.
[she's - seething. whole body gasping with it.]
We vote for who did it. That's the only fucking thing that makes sense.
[she spits this out. and she hates it, but she won't change her mind.]
I love Maya, but don't you fucking stand here and tell me she's Jiro's age when Denji is the one getting killed for this. This place forced her to do it - someone else let Denji take the blame.
[ he just. he stops, there. whatever it is, he just lets beau yell at him, lets her finish her fury, and his shoulders slump. the tension in his muscles doesn't fade, where she's got her hand around his wrist, but -
beau can probably feel it, now, that he's shaking. ]
I know. [ he says. this time, it's softer. it's softer, and smaller, and he feels the wet, hot press of tears behind his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today, as the angry, furious facade cracks off into something miserable. what he's been underneath all of that anger, all of this time, every day since they've been here.
i know. denji, who they tried so hard to keep safe. who they tried so hard, to keep from being scapegoated because he was a little weird, a little crass. winter has come to feel like family, and every loss hurts like a knife in the gut.
he takes a deep breath. shaky. ] I know, Beau. [ so much smaller, this time. desperate, though. ] I know.
[ everything really hits, then. the way she stumbled, earlier, the raw, desperate anger that's so similar to his own, and he just - ]
I'm sorry. [ - because he's so fucking sorry, and this time, the tears bubble over, and he's crying before even realizes it. ]
[ finally, he lets go of the front of beau's shirt, and lifts his hand to reach up and wipe his face, his mouth with the back of his hand, coming away with tears and blood. some of that tension starts to break, finally, and the exhaustion seeps through him, too. he knows what it looked like. he knows how suspicious he must have looked.
i fucking can't, anymore, you stupid fucking asshole, his thoughts repeat, in beau's voice. stay alive. you have to come home to me. you have to come home to me. in someone else's.
it's just a lot of pressure. ] ...When I found out who killed Sieghart, I made a promise to myself that I would try and catch anyone who was compelled. The person who did it told me they wanted to be caught, and I know - if it was me, I would've wanted to be, caught, too.
[ because ultimately, he is so, so empathetic - ultimately, he wants to try and do good. ultimately, he wants to help other people, and when someone looks at you with desperation in their eyes from the choices that were stolen from them, it sticks. ]
...if I ever did do something like that, you would know. [ quietly, a little hoarse. i'm a shit liar, and you know me. ] And... I'd never, ever try to frame someone, either.
...I just wanted to help. [ to help maya, to help keep that self made promise - that he'd find the people who were compelled, help so they wouldn't have to cope with that misery alone, like the first person who told him had to. he'd watched the way it broke them. ] 'm sorry.
I'm not - worried about the compulsion, Ichiro. It's not that. It's Otome's group. You couldn't tell me that anyway.
[she lets go of his wrist. that's what she'd said when she'd been asked - he's a shitty liar, I'd be able to tell. there's a pause, and she's so tired, not just from the day and from failure but from the drugs in her system, and she just - stumbles backwards, and sits. heavily. pushes her hand through her hair, trying not to cry. Don't. Don't do it. You don't need to.
a long pause.]
I don't want to think about it anymore. [There was fire. It was a Winter.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he's just yelling back, practically snarling, infuriated. miserable, too. ]
Yeah?! Great fucking question, Beau! Nothing's helping anyone, and I'm fucking tired of watching people get hurt! Might as fucking well be me, at least I can take a hit!
no subject
[she practically roars it.]
Fuck off! Fuck you! [actually, she's just going to shove him - and then punch him, right across the jaw.] You think you can take a fucking hit? I can't!
[she wavers, stumbling slightly, and then pushes past it.] I fucking can't, anymore, Ichiro, you stupid fucking asshole! And that would've been one more fucking hit, not just for me, but for all the people who care about you, it's fucking disrespectful!
no subject
in a way it's sort of satisfying. his head jerks back to where it was, furious, angry, lower lip split from the hit, and just keeps going. ]
What if I fucking -- you don't know anything! [ ichiro's just - roaring back. furious, angry, and then - underneath it, there's just a thread of terror that grips around his heart and squeezes. hard. stop stop stop stop stop stop-
the anger changes track. ] What about Denji! What about all the people that give two shits about him, you think they don't feel bad!? All that time we tried to keep him safe when people were framing him, and for what?! He didn't even fucking know, he wasn't even listening when the stupid fucking announcement happened! At least the people who suspected me had a fucking leg to stand on with all that evidence!
[ and he's just like immediately going to try and swing at her, too. it's his left arm, so it's not as strong as his right, either, but it doesn't matter. ]
no subject
The evidence pointed at Denji more than it pointed at you - it was his fucking phone!
[and then - he swings at her, and she doesn't even bother not taking the hit, just - barely blocks it, relishing the bruise. she takes it and she moves forward, brawler in intensity, ramming her fist into him again.]
What makes you any fucking different from Denji?! You both didn't fucking do it, you both have people who care - stop! Stop, don't fucking say to me that it'd be better if you were voted for! Do not get in my face and try to tell me losing you would be better!
Fucking - selfish, it's fucking selfish of you, what the fuck would you say to me if I said I'd rather have been voted for?! You fucking moron!
[she stumbles, slightly.]
no subject
he just jerks backwards again, a staggering step back. he's just as much of a fighter, a brawler - all he ever does is hit. people who attack directly always leave themselves open, somehow, someone said to him once, but he doesn't fucking care, right now. right now, the blood at the back of his mouth tastes like being alive. ]
So then, what?! We vote for Maya?! She's Jiro's age and this place forced her to do it! Like it forces everyone to do everything, those stupid expulsions, everything!
[ another hit, left handed, not nearly as strong but right at the jaw - and then he just lunges in and grabs onto her collar, hard, as if he could get the point across, better. ] You haven't done anything wrong! That's what I'd fucking say - this place just keeps beating the shit out of you, and - you - you're a fucking moron if you think I'd ever let that happen!
[ care, heartbreak, and anger - sometimes they all just go together. they're the things that make ichiro ichiro, a passionate, furious person, good and bad. he cares. he cares so much it makes up every fiber of his being.
it's obvious, here. roses and thorns in a statement, snarled with as much care as he can manage. ] I don't know what else to do.
no subject
he grabs her collar, and she grabs his wrist, instinctive, like she's going to break that too. she doesn't, but it's a close thing.]
You don't fucking sacrifice yourself!
[she hisses.]
You don't stand in front of a bunch of people and say take me instead - you don't make people make that choice. You don't stand there and make people decide which is the better fucking option, to kill you, or to kill her. Do you understand me? You're not a fucking hero for sacrificing yourself. That's not the better option.
[she's - seething. whole body gasping with it.]
We vote for who did it. That's the only fucking thing that makes sense.
[she spits this out. and she hates it, but she won't change her mind.]
I love Maya, but don't you fucking stand here and tell me she's Jiro's age when Denji is the one getting killed for this. This place forced her to do it - someone else let Denji take the blame.
no subject
[ he just. he stops, there. whatever it is, he just lets beau yell at him, lets her finish her fury, and his shoulders slump. the tension in his muscles doesn't fade, where she's got her hand around his wrist, but -
beau can probably feel it, now, that he's shaking. ]
I know. [ he says. this time, it's softer. it's softer, and smaller, and he feels the wet, hot press of tears behind his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today, as the angry, furious facade cracks off into something miserable. what he's been underneath all of that anger, all of this time, every day since they've been here.
i know. denji, who they tried so hard to keep safe. who they tried so hard, to keep from being scapegoated because he was a little weird, a little crass. winter has come to feel like family, and every loss hurts like a knife in the gut.
he takes a deep breath. shaky. ] I know, Beau. [ so much smaller, this time. desperate, though. ] I know.
[ everything really hits, then. the way she stumbled, earlier, the raw, desperate anger that's so similar to his own, and he just - ]
I'm sorry. [ - because he's so fucking sorry, and this time, the tears bubble over, and he's crying before even realizes it. ]
no subject
ichiro starts to cry, and she sucks in a sharp breath, and holds it.]
Did you kill Sakyou? Tell me the truth. [If you can.]
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[ he says this with utter conviction - his jaw juts out, shoulders back, fierce, fierce, fierce, even with tears tracking down his cheeks.
I mean it.
I didn't. ]
no subject
... I believe you, Ichiro. [she just sounds exhausted. worn down to the bone.]
no subject
i fucking can't, anymore, you stupid fucking asshole, his thoughts repeat, in beau's voice. stay alive. you have to come home to me. you have to come home to me. in someone else's.
it's just a lot of pressure. ] ...When I found out who killed Sieghart, I made a promise to myself that I would try and catch anyone who was compelled. The person who did it told me they wanted to be caught, and I know - if it was me, I would've wanted to be, caught, too.
[ because ultimately, he is so, so empathetic - ultimately, he wants to try and do good. ultimately, he wants to help other people, and when someone looks at you with desperation in their eyes from the choices that were stolen from them, it sticks. ]
...if I ever did do something like that, you would know. [ quietly, a little hoarse. i'm a shit liar, and you know me. ] And... I'd never, ever try to frame someone, either.
...I just wanted to help. [ to help maya, to help keep that self made promise - that he'd find the people who were compelled, help so they wouldn't have to cope with that misery alone, like the first person who told him had to. he'd watched the way it broke them. ] 'm sorry.
no subject
[she lets go of his wrist. that's what she'd said when she'd been asked - he's a shitty liar, I'd be able to tell. there's a pause, and she's so tired, not just from the day and from failure but from the drugs in her system, and she just - stumbles backwards, and sits. heavily. pushes her hand through her hair, trying not to cry. Don't. Don't do it. You don't need to.
a long pause.]
I don't want to think about it anymore. [There was fire. It was a Winter.]