...just that I know that must've hit you somewhere pretty personal.
[ he's been known about tsuyukusa's npc status, after all. ] And that I know when you're angry and upset, you say things you don't mean, cause I do it, too.
I didn't. It just reminded me of the Yakou. Why would I see myself in it? [HE SAYS AFTER REPEATEDLY BRINGING UP HOW HE WAS A MISERABLE MONSTER UNTIL HE WAS GIVEN A CHANCE LIKE HE WANTED TO GIVE NONA.]
...cause when I was your age, I used to get mad like that. I still do, sometimes - snap at people, say shit I don't mean. I did it at trial, last week.
[ at mandi, at one point. he's done it to many others, too. ] When something gets me, it gets me good. Hell - when we were on those little adventures, yesterday, I saw my rival, and completely blacked out, I got so angry. Ended up tackling him off of a balcony and we got into a fistfight in a fountain.
[ ichiro snorts, a little, at that - his own idiocy. ] It's why I was always breakin' up fights, because I know how quick it can be to get in them.
I still struggle with it all the fuckin' time, man. Even when I feel like I'm doing good, something little can just knock my shit down, get on my last nerve.
[ so, there's no definitive answer, but. he thinks, for a moment, and reaches into his pocket, hand curling absently around his wallet. ]
...But when I'm about to lose it, I try to remind myself about the people who I love, and what kind of person I want to be, for them. And then I try and walk away. Doesn't always work, but it's helped.
Dude, I run into that too. I was gettin' pissy at Crow because he was up my ass about it, earlier, eve though I know he wasn't doing it on purpose.
It sucks. And it's hard not to get mad, especially in a high tension situation like that. [ he pats his hand against the tree where he's standing. ] I can't even fault you. You should've seen me on Sunday last week.
...but, I think thinking about other people - or even one other person - can help. There were plenty of people in the group that weren't that far off of your thinking. [ last week, when the mafia reveal happened, ichiro had lucretia. his lifeline - the reason he didn't blow his fucking gasket over the weekend, just because she loved him enough to remind him that the way he was hurting wasn't crazy, that he was valid - and also kept him from running off and punching something, more times than once. ]
I mean...even I didn't want to shank the guy, today. The hardest part about being angry's and trying not to be 's you gotta listen. You gotta be willing to.
Even if it's just one person, you gotta find someone you trust enough to listen to, when you're pissed like that, even if it's just somebody to tell you you're being a dumbass and help you walk away.
... Sometimes it's Caleb. He's... he's talked me out of arguing before. I don't really get how it works. [It's because Caleb is always very calm and clear about it.]
But I don't know. I just... I wanted to... I wanted to feel like I was making a difference, I guess. This was my last chance. To do something... And I don't know. I thought maybe we could do something for it besides killing it. [Sadly... but then his tone gets a bit more irritated.]
Everyone was acting like it was the right thing to do, what it wanted, but wasn't that just a convenient excuse? I mean, adding on the part so people could beat it up? That's not mercy. That's what pisses me off.
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[ he's been known about tsuyukusa's npc status, after all. ] And that I know when you're angry and upset, you say things you don't mean, cause I do it, too.
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[It was a very subconscious outrage that he had.]
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[HE SAYS AFTER REPEATEDLY BRINGING UP HOW HE WAS A MISERABLE MONSTER UNTIL HE WAS GIVEN A CHANCE LIKE HE WANTED TO GIVE NONA.]
What do you mean you saw a lot of you?
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[ at mandi, at one point. he's done it to many others, too. ] When something gets me, it gets me good. Hell - when we were on those little adventures, yesterday, I saw my rival, and completely blacked out, I got so angry. Ended up tackling him off of a balcony and we got into a fistfight in a fountain.
[ ichiro snorts, a little, at that - his own idiocy. ] It's why I was always breakin' up fights, because I know how quick it can be to get in them.
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[Hrm.]
Well how did you stop? I... I sort of tried but then...
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[ so, there's no definitive answer, but. he thinks, for a moment, and reaches into his pocket, hand curling absently around his wallet. ]
...But when I'm about to lose it, I try to remind myself about the people who I love, and what kind of person I want to be, for them. And then I try and walk away. Doesn't always work, but it's helped.
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I see.
[He will remember this.]
I was trying to stop... I was trying to give up. But then I just got mad. No one ever thinks my ideas are good.
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It sucks. And it's hard not to get mad, especially in a high tension situation like that. [ he pats his hand against the tree where he's standing. ] I can't even fault you. You should've seen me on Sunday last week.
...but, I think thinking about other people - or even one other person - can help. There were plenty of people in the group that weren't that far off of your thinking. [ last week, when the mafia reveal happened, ichiro had lucretia. his lifeline - the reason he didn't blow his fucking gasket over the weekend, just because she loved him enough to remind him that the way he was hurting wasn't crazy, that he was valid - and also kept him from running off and punching something, more times than once. ]
I mean...even I didn't want to shank the guy, today. The hardest part about being angry's and trying not to be 's you gotta listen. You gotta be willing to.
Even if it's just one person, you gotta find someone you trust enough to listen to, when you're pissed like that, even if it's just somebody to tell you you're being a dumbass and help you walk away.
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[It's because Caleb is always very calm and clear about it.]
But I don't know. I just... I wanted to... I wanted to feel like I was making a difference, I guess. This was my last chance. To do something... And I don't know. I thought maybe we could do something for it besides killing it.
[Sadly... but then his tone gets a bit more irritated.]
Everyone was acting like it was the right thing to do, what it wanted, but wasn't that just a convenient excuse? I mean, adding on the part so people could beat it up? That's not mercy. That's what pisses me off.