[ IT'S NOT FINE wow the caretaker urge takes over instantly, and he ends up relaxing his hands a little where hers were on top of his, covering the one that stays down with his own. can't help it. take care of others, born in his blood. this seems to help his general mood, a little bit, too, though he glances away from her.
and there's a pause before he shakes his head. ]
...nah. She's just... she's been through some really bad shit, 's all. I was more worried I was hurting her than anything.
[ ok now he really looks like a scolded puppy, ducking his head, shoulders hunching up. ]
I know... the thing she went through was related, though, and - like, someone fucked her up in the worst kind of way. [ ichiro doesn't want to get into it too much - it's not his story to tell - but he will stress that Shit Was Really Fucked Up. ]
...So, when she said something, I thought maybe I'd been - I dunno. Reminding her of that, or something. I don't wanna do that. [ i don't want to hurt people. ] She just said... she didn't want to hurt me.
[ like she would?? do that somehow?? crazy. hurting is worth it, sometimes, though. even if he's been having a shitty time - he'd rather be hurt by someone he cares about on the path to fixing it instead of just left behind. there's a lesson he needs to learn here about talking about his problems? he's starting to learn it. ] ... We talked about it, and I think we're fine, but I dunno.
I think you should trust her if she seems fine about it. Iris doesn't seem like the sort of person that's gonna let you or anybody get away with treating her in a way she doesn't want to be treated.
[her fingers sort of twitch.]
I get that you're worried, though. It's not bad to be. Just don't beat yourself up over it.
puts his face in his hand for a second and groans. ] That's the problem, too, I don't know how she wants to be treated, cause she told me that she liked me, too?
[ this week has really been
so much? it really takes a lot of pressure to crack ichiro. he, in a term used by xie lian, is not sure whether to laugh or to cry. at least it probably can't get much worse?? we're down to teenage levels of problems instead of murdergame related problems so there's that. he's feeling a little better with that off of his chest.... beau was the right person to come talk to about this, even if it was involuntary (probably because it was involuntary?) ]
[why are teenagers like this!!!! iris is not a teenager, but listen. also don't look at her or her own romantic issues.]
Okay, like - like like? Or. Is she stringing you along? What the fuck is going on here. I don't see how you can have a conversation like "wow I like you!" and then not, like. Be dating.
[ HE DOESN'T KNOW EITHER STOP THIS IS NOT HIS FAULT also dont think we're not getting to otome young lady
anyway, with his face still in his hands: ]
She said - Beau, she had to like, pour a shot even to talk about it. I didn't even know she knew. [ it was like visible from the moon but okay go off i guess ] I think she "it's-not-you-it's-me"'d me? I'm pretty sure that's what happened, which is fine, I'm way more about her being comfortable and I'm not an ass, and so that was totally fine. I'm glad I wasn't, like, traumatizing her or anything like that, so I figured it'd be cool, we were fine, I'd try to... be more subtle, I guess - she like, backed off where she was touching my hand, too, so, boundary set, totally got the message, crystal clear.
...but then like five minutes later, she told me "it's not like I don't want to be with you" and I have no idea what to do at all.
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and there's a pause before he shakes his head. ]
...nah. She's just... she's been through some really bad shit, 's all. I was more worried I was hurting her than anything.
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Having a fucking crush on someone isn't going to hurt them. You're not being an asshole about it.
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I know... the thing she went through was related, though, and - like, someone fucked her up in the worst kind of way. [ ichiro doesn't want to get into it too much - it's not his story to tell - but he will stress that Shit Was Really Fucked Up. ]
...So, when she said something, I thought maybe I'd been - I dunno. Reminding her of that, or something. I don't wanna do that. [ i don't want to hurt people. ] She just said... she didn't want to hurt me.
[ like she would?? do that somehow?? crazy. hurting is worth it, sometimes, though. even if he's been having a shitty time - he'd rather be hurt by someone he cares about on the path to fixing it instead of just left behind. there's a lesson he needs to learn here about talking about his problems? he's starting to learn it. ] ... We talked about it, and I think we're fine, but I dunno.
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[her fingers sort of twitch.]
I get that you're worried, though. It's not bad to be. Just don't beat yourself up over it.
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puts his face in his hand for a second and groans. ] That's the problem, too, I don't know how she wants to be treated, cause she told me that she liked me, too?
[ this week has really been
so much? it really takes a lot of pressure to crack ichiro. he, in a term used by xie lian, is not sure whether to laugh or to cry. at least it probably can't get much worse?? we're down to teenage levels of problems instead of murdergame related problems so there's that. he's feeling a little better with that off of his chest.... beau was the right person to come talk to about this, even if it was involuntary (probably because it was involuntary?) ]
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Oh my gods.
[why are teenagers like this!!!! iris is not a teenager, but listen. also don't look at her or her own romantic issues.]
Okay, like - like like? Or. Is she stringing you along? What the fuck is going on here. I don't see how you can have a conversation like "wow I like you!" and then not, like. Be dating.
no subject
anyway, with his face still in his hands: ]
She said - Beau, she had to like, pour a shot even to talk about it. I didn't even know she knew. [ it was like visible from the moon but okay go off i guess ] I think she "it's-not-you-it's-me"'d me? I'm pretty sure that's what happened, which is fine, I'm way more about her being comfortable and I'm not an ass, and so that was totally fine. I'm glad I wasn't, like, traumatizing her or anything like that, so I figured it'd be cool, we were fine, I'd try to... be more subtle, I guess - she like, backed off where she was touching my hand, too, so, boundary set, totally got the message, crystal clear.
...but then like five minutes later, she told me "it's not like I don't want to be with you" and I have no idea what to do at all.
[ mixed signals!!!!!! MIXED SIGNALS!!!!! ]